January - Divorce Month

For Divorce Professionals, January is known as "Divorce Month" for a few reasons:

• NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS:

 Just as we set our intentions, resolutions, and goals for the New Year regarding physical fitness, nutrition, financial security, etc., many have also set intentions, resolutions, and goals regarding their relationships. They are empowered and prepared to resolve family conflicts. And to many, that means initiating the Divorce process.

• HOLIDAYS:

Many might previously have been ready to move forward to resolve family conflicts, but they opted to wait until the Holidays passed to spare their spouse and family of the news of their decision until after the Holidays.

Others might have experienced the stress and strain of the Holidays, and the issues may have shown to be more pronounced and magnified during the Holidays, prompting a realization and ultimate decision that Divorce is inevitable.

Others might have held out hope that the Holidays would bring them together with their spouse or they simply dreaded the idea of showing up at the Holiday Table with extended family without their spouse.

More women than men initiate Divorce - approximately 70% (according to Newsweek, January 2024). From Thanksgiving to the New Year, women often shoulder more of the responsibility (some willingly and joyously and some begrudgingly) of the meal preparations, cooking and cleaning, gathering and wrapping of gifts, etc. By the New Year, this may be what pushes them to make the decision to Divorce.

• TAXES AND FINANCIAL PLANNING:

Others see the New Year as a new Tax Year and an opportunity to engage in long-term Financial Planning separate from their spouse.

According to a study by Brian Serafini and Julie Brines of the University of Washington, which analyzed data from 2001 to 2015, more Divorce filings occur in March. However, January is the starting point.

To thrive, relationships and marriages require nurturing, effort, communications, mutual respect and trust, along with some joy, throughout the year. Absent these elements, by the end of the year, many initiate Divorce.

If you have a client, family member, colleague, or friend who has made the decision to Divorce, we are available to assist them and their spouse through the Divorce Mediation process.

For more information, please see our website - www.clearwatermediations.com - or contact us - (253) 354-3604.

Advantages of Mediating a Washington Divorce

Advantages of Mediating a Washington Divorce

Divorce is a hard and emotionally taxing process. While it impacts the emotional well-being of both participants involved, it may also impact that of any children involved, and it also has an effect on each participant’s finances.

In Washington, couples facing Divorce have the option of Mediation. Mediation is a cooperative approach that offers benefits for all participants involved.

Relationship Preservation

Mediation encourages open communications and cooperation between spouses. By working together to reach mutually agreeable solutions, couples can preserve amicable relationships. This is especially important when you share children. Maintaining a positive Co-Parenting dynamic can lead to healthier outcomes for children and reduce the emotional toll on everyone.

Cost Savings

Forbes reports that most Litigated Divorces are expensive, costing somewhere between $15,000 and $25,000 or much more to finalize. Mediation typically costs much less than a Litigated Divorce. By avoiding Courtroom battles and associated Legal Fees, couples can save substantial amounts of money. This cost-effectiveness allows for the allocation of resources to more essential aspects of life, such as Child Support or creating a stable Post-Divorce environment.

Faster Resolution

Mediation often results in a quicker resolution compared to a traditional Divorce proceeding. Mediation allows couples to set their own pace and schedule, expediting the process and reducing stress.

Confidentiality

Mediation proceedings are confidential, meaning that discussions and negotiations do not become part of the public record. This confidentiality can help protect sensitive information and maintain privacy during a challenging time.  In contrast, Court proceedings are public and can expose personal details to a wider audience.

Choosing Mediation can help couples navigate the Divorce process more smoothly, leading to a more positive and constructive transition to Post-Divorce life.

Common Myths About Divorce Mediation

Common Myths about Divorce Mediation

Washington’s Association of Dispute Resolution Centers finds that over 5,000 adults and 3,000 children benefitted from the assistance of Mediation to resolve Family Disputes in 2022. Many of these cases include arranging property division and Parenting Plans during Divorce.

Still, many people have misconceptions about Mediation. Clearing up common myths can help those who would benefit from Mediation to take advantage of this Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) process.

Myth 1: The Couple Must Agree on All Points

Many people perceive Divorce Mediation as beneficial only when a couple already agrees on all aspects of their separation. In reality, Mediation effectively resolves conflicts and finds amicable solutions, even in the most complex cases. For example, page 19 of Washington’s Family Law Handbook recommends Mediation as an option for resolving Family Disputes over Parenting Plans.

The Mediator acts as a neutral third party and facilitates open communications, guiding the couple toward mutually acceptable outcomes. Through Mediation, couples have the power to craft an individualized Agreement that suits their unique situation, rather than relying on a Judge to make decisions for them.

Myth 2: Mediation is Only for Low-Income Couples Who Need to Save Money

Many people believe that Mediation is only for low-income couples who cannot afford other options.  However, Divorce Mediation can be an excellent and cost-effective option, regardless of income.

This is because Mediation emphasizes communications and compromise, which are essential for reaching mutually beneficial solutions. The process can save both time and money, but a primary advantage is reducing the level of acrimony and providing a smoother transition for the whole family.

Myth 3: Mediation is Really Just Therapy to Save the Marriage

While a Therapist can be a Mediator, the couple has no obligation to use a Therapist as the Mediator or to try to work things out. The goal of Mediation is to help couples work collaboratively through the decision-making process relating to their Separation or Divorce.

The Mediator’s role is as a neutral third party who assists both participants in coming to Agreements that benefit everyone.  While the Mediator may create a supportive and non-judgmental setting, the focus is not on analyzing past traumas or exploring emotions.  Instead, it is about resolving legal and practical matters in a way that is private, affordable, and efficient.

Contrary to what some may think, Mediation is an effective path through Divorce.

How Mediation Works in a Divorce

How Mediation Works in a Divorce

You may have read about lengthy, adversarial, and expensive legal fights in the tabloids or seen them reported on TV. However, the recent Divorce of actors Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck is an example of how high-profile couples can resolve their differences over property and parenting issues without the glare of publicity and the uncertainties of going to Trial.

The glamour couple used the same process that any other couple would use when seeking a Divorce Settlement through Mediation. Although Washington State does not require Mediation in a Divorce, some local court systems, such as those in Pierce County and King County demand that couples go through some form of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) as a condition of proceeding with their Divorce. This means attempting to work out disputed issues with the help of a neutral third party Mediator.  The benefits of Mediation are that it is usually:

• Less Stressful

• Less Expensive (sometimes 50 percent less expensive than Divorce Litigation)

• Less Time-Consuming

• Less Rigid (not limited by Court Schedules and other rules)

• More Private and Confidential (no records kept of Mediation Sessions)

• More subject to control by the participants

The length of the process depends on the individual situation of each couple. Most people need multiple meetings with a Mediator to resolve all of their issues.  If they cannot agree, they can still pursue Litigation; though, most often Litigation is prevented.  The Mediation process includes these steps:

• Selecting a Mediation services provider.  In Washington, Mediators may be lawyers or other professionals trained in Family Conflict Resolution. They work in the private sector or in Dispute Resolution Centers and usually charge hourly fees.

• Attending the first meeting (sometimes called a “general caucus”) with the Mediator, who reviews the ground rules for Mediation, discusses the process, obtains signed Agreements to Mediate, and emphasizes the importance of complete confidentiality.

• Drafting Opening Statements outlining their issues.

• Engaging in supervised conversations with each other about those issues.

• Attending private meetings with the Mediator about issues that are difficult to resolve.

The Mediator generally moves back and forth between the participants to come to an Agreement on all of the issues. He or she then prepares a Settlement Agreement (called a Memorandum of Understanding or CR 2A Settlement Agreement) for the participants to sign and present to the Court. If the Judge approves, the terms of the Settlement Agreement become part of the Final Divorce Order (Dissolution of Marriage Decree), Parenting Plan, Order of Child Support, as applies in the given matter.

You can be represented during Mediation by a Family Law Attorney, who can present your position and negotiate in your behalf. While not required, having an Attorney is especially important if your spouse has retained one, if you need legal advice, if you need representation, if you need assistance in the preparation of pleadings and proposed Court Orders, and if you need assistance with presenting your Settlement Agreement to the Court.

Divorce Mediation, Communications, and the Benefit to Children

Divorce Mediation, Communications, and the Benefit to Children

As Divorcing parents, you want your children to experience the least amount of stress and anxiety, as they move to the next stage of their lives.

Consequently, many couples choose Mediation over Litigation. The focus on communications is how Mediation can help children adjust to the new family order.

About Mediation

Divorce Mediation is a form of Alternative Dispute Resolution (or ADR). It is a process that takes place in more relaxed surroundings outside of Court. Mediation is private, whereas, a Divorce proceeding in Court is public and open to scrutiny.  Litigation is lengthy, expensive, and often contentious. It is also difficult for children to endure, since they are extremely sensitive to conflict. Mediation, on the other hand, is a civil, respectful Divorce option that provides couples with the ability to control the outcome. It is normally less expensive and less time-consuming than Litigation and not as emotionally trying for children, as an adversarial courtroom proceeding.

Teamwork and Communications

As parents, you worked as a Team in raising your children. You can carry that ability into Mediation. A trained Mediator will provide guidance during sessions based on cooperation and open communications. In harmony with your Divorce Agreement, the two of you can create a Parenting Plan that acts as a parental roadmap for the future and helps you address the needs of your children.

A Look Ahead

Your ability to solve problems during Mediation will set a good example for your children. You will likely find that your ability to communicate will see future benefits. Open communications will be key in maintaining relationships with your children and in building a different; yet, a healthy, functional, and solid, family structure, in a Post-Divorce world.

Three (3) Ways to Maximize Mediation

Three (3) Ways to Maximize Mediation

The decision to end a marriage comes with an array of emotions and decisions to be made, Emotional, Financial, and Parenting. For people striving for an amicable Divorce, Mediation often eases associated stresses.

On average, 59 divorces happen every day in the State, according to the Washington State Department of Health. Mediation offers a way to minimize the time and money spent during the process. To ensure a smooth resolution, especially for couples with children, consider the following three tips.

1. Prepare Ahead of Time

For Mediation to work, both parties need to take the time to collect all pertinent information. This includes assets, living expenses, court documents, and financial statements. Additionally, develop a list of vital topics, such as child custody and personal item allocation.  Along with bringing these documents, prepare mentally. Mediation takes time and requires patience.

2. Share all Financial Information

A Mediator needs to know about all Assets, Loans, Credit Cards, and other Financial Accounts to ensure a fair resolution. Not disclosing information, whether on accident or purpose, often reinforces distrust and leads to the other participant getting frustrated.  Since Mediation revolves around compromise, sharing information remains a key ingredient.

3. Focus on Balanced Compromise

Mediation requires compromise, but that does not mean a person must give in on all topics. Prepare a list of non-negotiable and negotiable items with the understanding that some may require a lengthy discussion.  When it comes to essential rights, avoid giving in simply for money to avoid potential Litigation issues down the road. On the flip side, maintain the attitude that some items will require severing ties.

Mediation offers a less formal way to make a final separation. Doing so helps give both sides a better understanding and may enhance long-term communications.

Tips for Co-Parenting Success

Tips for Co-Parenting Success

Co-Parenting can be challenging, but with effective communications and collaboration, you can create a positive and stable environment for your children.

If you face a Divorce and have children, you should learn about strategies that can help you Co-Parent more effectively.

Establish Clear Communication Channels

Communication is a challenge in many marriages, which may contribute to the 989,518 divorces in 2022. However, open and transparent communications are the key to successful Co-Parenting. Create a system for sharing important information about your child’s life. Use shared calendars and messaging apps to keep each other informed.

Also, avoid negative communications, which can harm both the Co-Parenting relationship and your child’s well-being. Focus on constructive and respectful dialogue to promote a positive atmosphere and minimize unnecessary tension.

Create a Consistent Schedule

Consistency is important for children, so work together to create a stable and predictable schedule.  Establish clear routines for visitation, holidays, and special occasions.

Although consistency gives your child a sense of security, life is unpredictable, and unforeseen circumstances may arise. Be willing to adapt to changes and work together to find solutions.

Encourage Open Expression of Feelings

Create a safe space for your children to express their feelings. Encourage open communications and actively listen to their concerns. Acknowledge their emotions and provide reassurance that both parents love and support them.

Attend Parenting Workshops or Counseling

Seeking professional guidance can be beneficial for Co-Parenting success. Consider attending parenting workshops or counseling sessions to gain valuable insights and strategies for effective Co-Parenting. Professional advice can help navigate challenges and improve your Co-Parenting skills.

Always prioritize the best interests of your children. Focus on creating a positive and supportive environment that fosters their emotional and physical well-being. Keep in mind that your children needs both parents, so encourage a healthy relationship between them.